Monday, May 22, 2006
You keep on looking out for me.A week has passed and the question, "Am I settled in yet?" keeps rising in my head. Everything moves fast, I wonder if I just figuratively passed myself by as I type this entry. I've met many people, attempted to remember their names, and simply enjoyed the weekend watching a live baseball game, getting stranded in the rain, answering the very awkward question of, "What kind of girl do you like?" in front of twelve-or-so girls in my choir, and simply having a laugh with kids at my dorm. It truly sounds like I'm settled in because I'm acting normal and I've joined groups and circles so I could fit in, but the time of departure is hanging around two months, and that said, I would enter my final year of undergraduate studies, an inconceivable issue that has been dreading my existence since I entered college.
Here at Sophia, I realized that at Fordham, I lacked the opportunity and motive to do the things I truly wanted to do, namely, play hockey, basketball, and sing. I wanted to join circles and become more sociable with the student body, but because of my political nature of being conservative, I kinda lacked the spirit of getting along with other people, regardless of political preference. Realizing the consequences of talking politics with people who don't argue or debate too much, I shoved my inhibitions when I arrived in Tokyo, with the main objective of making friends and slowly building up relationships that would hopefully help me in the future, 'cause, you know, I hope to come back here sometime and, even though on a professional basis, I would be assured that I'd have someone I'd know within the vicinity.
And that's it, too. Even though I'm getting to know many people, my inter-personal skills seem to stay stagnant. And I'm learning from my own dormmates things like "how to talk to people or girls in general" and simply not to, hahaha, do some "white boy sh*t" to get attention. 'Cause we all know it turns people off. I'm starting to understand that. And with the two months and change that I have left, I only wonder if my secondary objective of having a girlfriend will actually succeed. All in God's will, I guess, but right now I have to realize that there are priorities, like schoolwork, improving my game (the *ahem* hockey game) and my singing ability to help my choir out.
One of the top figures in my choir suggested that I do a solo for the live, 'cause he thought my voice was good. 'Twas a scary thought, because even though I did those things with the Youth Choir back at home, I'd be facing a Japanese audience, toting the prospect of, "Oh, we're a Japanese group that likes to sing gospel songs, when in reality, I'm giving my all when I sing to God." A fellow member and I had a lengthy discussion about this, and we concluded that we sing because it's what's best for the choir as a whole, not individually. Accordingly, I would retract my previous statement and there you go.
Today I had hockey practice. And I'm really tired. Pretty much what happens twice a week. And I heard we have a game at 1am on Friday? It's something I can't control but
que sera sera eh?
posted @ 5/22/2006 01:57:00 PM
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