Saturday, January 21, 2006
So, it's all over.
The drama. The pain.
I'm leaving the homestay family. Admittedly because it's like staying at home, only with a different family. There's too much at stake, to be having the same responsibilities when I shouldn't.
And the reasons of the opposition are mainly ridiculous, but it's basically a matter of culture versus practicality, and when in another country, the guest should be the one making deference to those in the host country. I've done that most of the time, but in the end, it seems that
"seikatsu wa chigaimasu" (the lifestyle is different). And that's that. I return to New York thinking that there are ways in which I can make my own lifestyle more effective and clean and, even though I won't have the opportunity of spending the next semester with the same host family, I feel that next semester holds great opportunities in refining what I've learned from the host family and over break. In sum, I guess I'm glad that everything's over and that I can live the next couple of weeks without the muttering of dissatisfaction . . .
. . . although I think that practicality should rule over culture basically because it's more effective that way.
I won't talk about that anymore.
Anyway, I'm leaving back for New York on 2/5. I'll miss everyone here in Tokyo, but I realize that I'll come back very soon to a campus that's far better than the current one (Ichigaya). My study abroad program had a party today to celebrate the semester's end --- before the storm which is called "finals" --- and had a blast. I heard the others speak Japanese and that was really a rare event. I don't find myself speaking as much Japanese as I should but hearing the others made me think that I definitely should improve my speaking over the break and that could mean taking classes with work and hockey clinics in between.
Don't know what that could mean except that I could be a freakin' workaholic.
Don't you ever have those days where you just need to just sit back and watch things happen as you just . . . vegetate?
I want to enjoy my life as everyone else does, but . . . it seems that life is going much faster than I think.
Two of my friends are on the brink of graduating and entering law school.
One is moving to another campus.
Others are busy in different colleges, working part- or full-time, or simply "finding the meaning of life," whatever that means.
So that means I really have to hold onto the friends whom I now have.
You, who are reading this, are one of them.
It is a compliment. If you're reading this, you are absolutely wonderful.
posted @ 1/21/2006 12:01:00 AM
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Monday, January 16, 2006
I just want to say that life living here in Japan truly has its setbacks. One minute you're riding on the tallest waves, enjoying the view, and then the next minute you're being pummeled down by surfboards one after the other. I might as well tell you, because it's going to go public at any rate.
My host family and I are going through a rough patch, and I'm on the brink of moving out. And the truth is, I don't want to be. My philosophy is, "You only get one family." When I came to Japan, it was clear that I'd be living with another set of people with another set of rules; nonetheless, they became my "new family" starting from September. The "rough patch" revolves around me, my forgetfulness, my etiquette, and strictly speaking, my lack of vocabulary. I've only been here five months to know a few things to get me by, but I'm not as talented as you think (though some of you might have seen my myspace or facebook).
With that said, I really want to say. No matter how many times I get slapped on the wrist, my mom would say that people always forget, people always make mistakes. Even if they forget something after a minute's time. I want to make it better. I do. For all these times I lacked prayer, God, I ask you this extra favor; I know you have many things on your schedule, but I hope you could find it in your heart to make amends this situation. Little by little, I'm understand what living here is like and, even though I'll be going back to America in a few weeks, I want to live in a sensible manner. But when I head back to Japan,
I want to make good relationships with the people around me, including my host family. (if they accept me again)
I want to do well in my academics and the sports I play.
I want to have fun in everything I do.
But there's always that priority (see first enumeration). This is something I'm willing to do, even if I make painstaking efforts to do so. I'm a coward, that's easy to say. And I'm always afraid of others' reactions. But it's something I need to learn with stride. I've lived with my neocatechumenal community for nine years already, so why can't I accept these judgments like a man? Please, Lord, you've got to help me. Right now I'm a lost cause and it's all up to you to help me. I need you. I'm practically shaking as I type this; I hate it. I wish I wasn't in this predicament, but it wasn't brought by chance, that I can be sure of. I'm asking for your guidance . . . and patience . . . and wisdom, since I don't have any right now.
Those of you who are reading this, please pray for me.
There's nothing I would like more than the opportunity to stay here with the people I've grown comfortable to.
posted @ 1/16/2006 11:49:00 PM
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