Saturday, November 26, 2005
So, a week has passed and I feel that I've done a hell of a lot more than I have ever in Japan. Half the semester is already through and I also feel that I'm pretty sure of what I want to do here. The situation here is rather tough because I don't have my family and friends to support me, but I have to "make do" (I mean that in the lightest, unoffending term possible) with my homestay family and the neighbors I have here. I have certainly made an impression and that's what gaijin tend to do when they enter this country . . .
Brief intermission: I did okay on the Japanese mid-term. It's always a curveball in that class and I'm glad to see that things are looking on the upside for me. Oh, and Friday's teacher wasn't feeling so well and, well, he said (in his sickness) that I look like him --- weird, eh? --- and asked me to teach the class. Curveball was it? It definitely was a knuckleball, and I seemed to have swung at it in horrible but graceful fashion . . .
This week, I learned that my relationship with my homestay family --- though they're the most important people in my Japanese experience --- is secular, that I'm practically alone. Without the friends and acquaintances I have, I would have to fend for myself. However, I have to give all these people credit, else I would have not acquired any more skill. Monday, yesterday, and today, I ended up playing basketball for a basketball club (which I have now decided to join); Thursday I helped a hockey teammate out with a linguistics project and was interviewed by one of the beautiful managers; today I saw the new Harry Potter movie and after that, returned unsuccessful in courting a young Japanese girl whom I had a fancy since the beginning of the year.
sukoshi zutsu (bit by bit), everything will fall into place, including the relationship scene.
I'm constantly asking myself, am I ready? Am I a good-enough boyfriend? Will I be able to pull off the expectations with my significant-other-to-be? Or, most importantly, am I just overreacting?
People say I act like a child. That's true. But it sort of lowers my self-esteem because it ruins the competence I have for attempting to start a relationship with a young lady. I'm not downtrodden by this entirely, though, because I see the truth in it and, while I can't and don't want to change myself to impress other people, I see that there is still some hope, that a girl whom I truly desire will be waiting in the wings for me . . .
. . . I truly hope that moment comes soon.
posted @ 11/26/2005 10:36:00 PM
0 comments
